Hello hello who ever reads this...
It has been just about a whole year since i wrote that ehem...very angry blog lol. Since then things have changed quite a bit and i plan to write an updated blog about that. BUT this blog is about something quite special. it is called THE MASTER CLEANSE! what is it you ask? why its a body detoxification that takes 10 days and consists of no solid food. i know i know sounds crazy and it gets better...the only thing i will be eating, or rather drinking, is a lemonade mixture made of 2tbs of fresh lemon juice, 2tbls of maple syrup and 1/10tsp of cayenne pepper dissolved in 1 cup of water. gross. i know, i thought the same thing. but i saw it on tv a couple weeks ago and it got me thinking of a body cleanse. so i did some power googling and every search result included this cleanse and each was full of positive reviews. however there are some..not so pleasant side effects: vomiting, frequent bathroom visits, cramps, irritability..so on and so forth. so why you ask? WELL, there is the necessity to prove that i can actually do something good for myself, the detoxifying elements are very very beneficial, and...drum roll...WEIGHT LOSS! ok so lets face it, its not a long term weight loss program, but hey, its a start. a motivator if you will. so here we are (just after xmas..good timing? i think so) giving myself a run for my money and trying this thing out. tomorrow is the first day...i think this is going to be interesting. there will be blogs.
HERE IS THE LINK TO THE ARTICLE IF YOU ARE INTERESTED!!
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/master-cleanse-cleanser-lemonade-diet.html
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Thursday, December 18, 2008
The release of this past years pain
Let me start off by saying that im not here just when its convenient for you, im not here as a source of amusment when no one else will listen to your sorry excuses and sappy "problems". i do NOT have therapist written on my freakin forehead and half the time, no i dont give a damn about how much you hate your self. yes, i am a good listener and most of the time i do mean it when i say im here to listen. that being said, im only here to listen to the important things...not about how you wish you were skinnier or that the "popular people" will like you...grow up, your not in junior high anymore people.
people outside of school : alot of people SAY that they're here for me, but how many of you out there actually are? not alot and i know that for a fact. i know that some people that know me at places out side of school dont respect me at all and only pretend they do so they can keep up appearances with my father. fuck that! i am not to be defined by my goddamn last name! i am my own person, i am capable of making my own decisions and one of those decisions is to get the fuck away from all of you. yea i havent shown up cuz im busy, but part of it is me being tired of the shit. oh yea but you always there for me right? HA! ok maybe some of you are but most of you, seriously do you really think i believe you? and some of you do you really think that i want to tell you anything about my personal life?? HELL NO! i dont know half of you and i dont want to...just do whats good for you and stay away from me.
people inside school: oh where do i begin? ok lets start with how i feel like im walking around in a circus half the time. people are so oblivious to all the important things around them and are freaking out about the tiny things....seriouly, open your eyes. yes there are people there that i love and cherish but they are a select few. the rest of you, i could say i love you and ill miss you and we should hang out somtime...but i dont really mean it. i will forget you when this is all done and i know youll forget me too so lets just call it even shall we? im sick and tired of being the one that starts stuff. if we dont hang out on the weekend its not my fucking fault why dont you pick up the goddamn phone for once and call me?? no its always me thats starts the texts...and for what? to get the annyoyed one word replies or better yet how about no reply at all.. that seems to be the favorite with some people. or how about we all get together and decide on specific days when we're all going to be bitches to elisa?? how does that sound? great cuz it happens so often id like to be notified ahead of time. its like mass PMS or something. i walk around normally smiling and saying hi and what do i get? no replies or annoyed glances..well fuck you ill do it too! next time you want to talk to me about some pathetic little problem, ill just walk away and not even say anything. or better yet why dont i wait for some one that i like much better than you but will never admit it to walk by and then ill just leap away from you and talk to them..sound good?
basically im tired of the shit, im tired of walking around faking a smile around people...ok so im not ALWAYS angry but i always have some residual pain thats being pushed further and further down till i erupt..like this. im tired of pretending like im ok...well im not always ok. sometimes i hurt...sometimes people hurt me and they dont care and that just makes things worse. like you, you hurt me...i cared so much about and i could have made you SO happy but what did you do? you ran out on me with out even giving it a chance. no what have i resorted to doing...acting like nothing happened. well how in the hell am i supposed to do that? you dont even do that, i see how you act different, i see how you dont want to be alone with me any more, but what can i do about? nothing thats what...youve said how you felt and ive bottled in how i felt and now we go about our days like nothing has changed. quit lying to your self...things have changed and i hate it. this is why i dont go for things because they always turn around to kick me in the ass.
oh but of course my problems are nothing compared to your monstrous issues..thats right, im the one that listens not the one that talks...right. ok well if i was the one that talked i would tell you that i am not ok, i do miss you, i hate the person i am 90% of the time, i want to vomit everytime i see my reflection, i hate the way i look, you make me hate myself, you make me extremely nervous, i dont forgive you, i still love you, you make me want to die, i have tried to kill myself, i will do it again, i lie, i tease, im a bitch, i dont care, i do care, i dont want to listen, i dont want to talk, i want to vent, i want to be sheltered, i want you to leave me alone, i want you to love me, i want you to care. i am a hypocrite, im lost, i need to rescued, i am my self, i am growing, i will never change.
there, this is basically what has been sitting on my chest for the past year. there is more, but thats as far as i can go without getting too specific. to those of you who do read this, please note that "you" does not necessarily mean one single person, there has been alot of possible "you"s this past year that these comments apply to.
i am a genuinly happy person, but i am human. i can not be expected to never feel angry. i however bottle my emotions and can not talk about them. this is where the blog comes in. this will be my therapist. yes some times the comments will be long, angry and generally confusing, but even though these are public and you are allowed to read them, these are my personal thoughts and a way of venting them out..
people outside of school : alot of people SAY that they're here for me, but how many of you out there actually are? not alot and i know that for a fact. i know that some people that know me at places out side of school dont respect me at all and only pretend they do so they can keep up appearances with my father. fuck that! i am not to be defined by my goddamn last name! i am my own person, i am capable of making my own decisions and one of those decisions is to get the fuck away from all of you. yea i havent shown up cuz im busy, but part of it is me being tired of the shit. oh yea but you always there for me right? HA! ok maybe some of you are but most of you, seriously do you really think i believe you? and some of you do you really think that i want to tell you anything about my personal life?? HELL NO! i dont know half of you and i dont want to...just do whats good for you and stay away from me.
people inside school: oh where do i begin? ok lets start with how i feel like im walking around in a circus half the time. people are so oblivious to all the important things around them and are freaking out about the tiny things....seriouly, open your eyes. yes there are people there that i love and cherish but they are a select few. the rest of you, i could say i love you and ill miss you and we should hang out somtime...but i dont really mean it. i will forget you when this is all done and i know youll forget me too so lets just call it even shall we? im sick and tired of being the one that starts stuff. if we dont hang out on the weekend its not my fucking fault why dont you pick up the goddamn phone for once and call me?? no its always me thats starts the texts...and for what? to get the annyoyed one word replies or better yet how about no reply at all.. that seems to be the favorite with some people. or how about we all get together and decide on specific days when we're all going to be bitches to elisa?? how does that sound? great cuz it happens so often id like to be notified ahead of time. its like mass PMS or something. i walk around normally smiling and saying hi and what do i get? no replies or annoyed glances..well fuck you ill do it too! next time you want to talk to me about some pathetic little problem, ill just walk away and not even say anything. or better yet why dont i wait for some one that i like much better than you but will never admit it to walk by and then ill just leap away from you and talk to them..sound good?
basically im tired of the shit, im tired of walking around faking a smile around people...ok so im not ALWAYS angry but i always have some residual pain thats being pushed further and further down till i erupt..like this. im tired of pretending like im ok...well im not always ok. sometimes i hurt...sometimes people hurt me and they dont care and that just makes things worse. like you, you hurt me...i cared so much about and i could have made you SO happy but what did you do? you ran out on me with out even giving it a chance. no what have i resorted to doing...acting like nothing happened. well how in the hell am i supposed to do that? you dont even do that, i see how you act different, i see how you dont want to be alone with me any more, but what can i do about? nothing thats what...youve said how you felt and ive bottled in how i felt and now we go about our days like nothing has changed. quit lying to your self...things have changed and i hate it. this is why i dont go for things because they always turn around to kick me in the ass.
oh but of course my problems are nothing compared to your monstrous issues..thats right, im the one that listens not the one that talks...right. ok well if i was the one that talked i would tell you that i am not ok, i do miss you, i hate the person i am 90% of the time, i want to vomit everytime i see my reflection, i hate the way i look, you make me hate myself, you make me extremely nervous, i dont forgive you, i still love you, you make me want to die, i have tried to kill myself, i will do it again, i lie, i tease, im a bitch, i dont care, i do care, i dont want to listen, i dont want to talk, i want to vent, i want to be sheltered, i want you to leave me alone, i want you to love me, i want you to care. i am a hypocrite, im lost, i need to rescued, i am my self, i am growing, i will never change.
there, this is basically what has been sitting on my chest for the past year. there is more, but thats as far as i can go without getting too specific. to those of you who do read this, please note that "you" does not necessarily mean one single person, there has been alot of possible "you"s this past year that these comments apply to.
i am a genuinly happy person, but i am human. i can not be expected to never feel angry. i however bottle my emotions and can not talk about them. this is where the blog comes in. this will be my therapist. yes some times the comments will be long, angry and generally confusing, but even though these are public and you are allowed to read them, these are my personal thoughts and a way of venting them out..
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